baby on board

not ours, just yet. 


having a little family over (friends who migrated, now with a 10-month old girl, Lulu) for the last two weeks is now more interesting to me as i get to observe their baby longer than i have ever watched babies lately. (i did help look after a bunch of cousins when i was a kid, but that is a different story.)


have i said? i am not a natural when it comes to children and babies. between BBB and me, he will always end up playing with whichever kid is around. i am just. not. naturally. attracted. to them. 


i am not even a good godmother. sure it doesn't help that i don't practice any religion, but filipino tradition dictates the existence of godmothers and godfathers, and since i wasn't struck down by lightning the first time i agreed to be one (my best friend's niece), i agreed a second time (a good college friend's daughter). both are probably cursing me now for forgotten birthdays and christmasses.  i just don't have a relationship with them. not being avoidant, it just doesn't cross my mind to do anything about it, and the occasional twang of guilt and remembrance happens around christmas season. and oh, i can't remember their birthdays. baaaaaad. 


anyhoo, Lulu is my visual reminder that i will have one by mid-august, if not earlier. right now this pregnancy is still quite surreal. sure i am on supplements, i get unstoppably sleepy by mid-afternoon, and i am eating more frequently, but i am not experiencing any "classic" symptoms such as having cravings and morning sickness. i did finish a whole green mango (or was it two?!) last december (with bagoong! bought off a roaming vendor!) which made me wonder if i was pregnant. 


yes i am. there is something alien growing inside me. help.