letter # 040111

dear LP,


sometimes i wish had two lives. one dedicated entirely to bringing you up the best possible way. the other one for me. 


the one for you is obvious now but something you may or may not remember later on ~ letting you pull my hand so you can reach something you want or go somewhere you want to go; catching you every time you spin yourself dizzy or when you want to play rag doll boy; sitting outside with you to watch ants and butterflies; stomping to make big splashes in two inches of bathwater...


but instead, sometimes, my hands are busy cooking dinner or washing the dishes, and i need you to stop being dizzy or being a rag doll so i can concentrate on the phone call i need to make. i need to sit at my laptop instead of sitting with you outside, and i need to turn off the shower taps so we can get on with the day. 


with two such lives, one can always be Mummy, and the other one can be Me. and Me won't have to steal sleep time from Mummy so Me can write the multi-million peso contract that hopefully gets approved. and Me won't have second thoughts about being away on location shoots because Mummy will always be with you. and Me won't have to hurry up on multiple errands because Mummy is looking after you. Me won't get cross when you try to play with the sewing box, and anyway that tempting sewing box full of interesting bits shouldn't be out because really, Me was stealing Mummy's playtime with LP. and you know what? Mummy actually never gets cross because she doesn't have to think about financial independence and other big grown up words like Me does. and Me doesn't have to think twice when a job offer comes her way that requires long hours of concentration doing research and writing, unbroken by things like mixing a bottle of milk, preparing a healthy lunch, and changing nappies. 


and Mummy doesn't cry, like i did yesterday, because i was tired of being mummy and just wanted to be me sometimes. not all the time. just sometimes. 


so help me, ok? and don't bite me when you are overwhelmed with affection for me.